Trodding along…

Hey folks,

The last few days have been busy and that’s the reason there’s been no blogpost from me for a while. Things are generally trodding along and I’ll let you in on some of the details.

Chronic fatigue is a constant challenge, yet I’ve been feeling a rising in my daily energylevels. Things are picking up ever so slowly. Most important, it’s been a revelation how much my different activities influence my level of energy. Some things energise me greatly, like going outside, starting the new plants for this seasons vegetablegarden, other things are draining to the umpth degree. Those are most often things I feel I “should” do but I really don’t want to do. It’s amazing how much influences I’ve picked up over the years, reactions, commitments, behavioral patterns that aren’t mine to begin with, but somehow I took them in as my own just to get by. Well no more of that, I’ll beclearing the decks both in the physical realm as in the non-physical. Also, my weight is finally dropping again, so the clearing of the decks is happening on several levels at ones. The biggest challenge right now: allowing the changes to happen.

The last few days gave me some ideas for future blogposts also:

- I’ve been doing some fun workshops lately on homesteading practices, and I will be expanding my skills in that field. I’ll share some ideas, tricks and recipes in later posts. Last addition to my skills: sausagemaking.

- Also I’ve decided to gather all surpluss gadgets, decoration and other stuff lying around and go to a carbootsale in the summer, hoping to offload a lot of stuff. Although not buing anything new there might be a challenge in itself.

- Although last frost is three months from now, I’ve started my first gardenseeds already. I’ve got two small greenhouses build up in the garden, to start warming the soil and I’m dieing to try some permacultureplantings:  I’ve got all the seeds lined up for a trail with Jarjarkot’s permaculture system as described by Toby Hemenway. Also, I’ll be working with the three sisters planting guild (Corn, Squash and Beans). I’ll let you all know how that goes.

 

For now, that’s all folks. Gonna lie down a bit more and getting some energy back up. Somehow writing is quite draining sometimes.

Best wishes y’all…

“I know what it…

“I know what it is that I need to do, I just don’t do it”

These powerful words I read in a thread on the OBOD forums discussing chronic fatigue. And yes, while my physical aches and pains are real, this is also a big issue for me. Somehow having lost the zest of life, the spring in my step, the spark in my eyes. But I’m on my way back, you’ll see….

Inspired: To my Adipose

To my Adipose.

DragonWyst writes a moving and touching letter to her body, more specifically to her fat. In me, it ignites both a wriggly uncomfortable feeling as well as deep emotional movement.
This comes one day after I worked with the Bardic Gwers (lesson) on letting go of things that hold one back and coming home to one’s essence.

At 120 kg and 1.63 m I’ve got some releasing of my own to do. I’ll be writing my own letter soon, as this seems a appropriate signal to turn the tide. Thanking and releasing.

Face to Face or Phone to Phone?

Face to Face or Phone to Phone?.

The BellyDancingDruid has a good point here. I also use the phone to avoid looking “emptyhanded”, especially when nervous, like waiting at the dentists office. It’s like the little screen on my Iphone is an umbilical cord to a world outside my own daily grinding reality. But it’s just that, virtual, empty, soulsucking.

Next june my smartphonesubscription will end and then I’ll donate the iphone to my s.o. who just istn’t interested in whatsapping or facebook, and who’ll just use it for texting, calling and maybe checking the office email once or twice a week when out. I’ll go and find myself a nice rugged outdoorsy phone, suitable for calling, texting and nothing else. Freedom!

 

Taking a Stand…

Well, since last message yesterday I’ve been mulling this dilemma over and over. Finally I decided to draw a line. No more actions that seem counterintuitive. Found out our local organic delivery service offers nice cakes and quiches, and making some things myself. Eggsalad from our own chickens, chickensalad (not from our own chickens), herbbutter since the herbs are already peeking out of the ground here, fresh bread. Simple, wholesome, honest. And with that, a feeling of inner peace.

Staying true…

The last week I’ve been busy with a lot of organising for a party next weekend. My s.o. always falls back on the basics, ordering cakes from the bakery, going to the local wholesalestore for big bags of chips, soda, beer and snacks. Although I was busy making the shoppingslist, I notice that this is somehow incongruent with my own feelings. I like simple, organic, tasty stuff, not the bigbagged, gmo-riddled, crap. Costs are an issue though, and with my lack of current energy I can’t make a lot of things myself. So it’s a dilemma: there will be a party, but will it be one as I feel should be right, or should I cave (just this once) for convienience, even if it comes at a personal cost of negative feelings.

How do you party? Do you live organic? Do you bake yourself?

Big leaps…

Well… posting once in a year and then on almost the last day of that year is hardly the start of a succesful blog one might say. And yes, I agree. On the other hand, due to some circumstances in daily life things took a while to get sorted out. And this time of year is the perfect moment for newyears resolutions. You want to know mine? Really?

Okay, here it goes:

- I desire to drastically declutter my house. Since my home and my office are adjacent, I spent most of my time on my on little part of the world, home, garden, office. And things have gotten a bit to full lately. Really a bit to full. Waaaaaaaaay to full. Paperclutter, nicknacks, random stuff, useful stuff in the wrong places. I spent a lot of time oogling pretty decluttered homes online, you could say that’s my kind of porn at the moment. In my wanderings accross different blogs I found this one: http://eenkastjeperdag365.blogspot.nl/ The idea is to declutter 30 minutes a day, or as much time as it takes to declutter one cabinet, drawer or closet. Doing that for half a year (in her case) or a year (more likely in my case) should create a lot of space in both mind and home. This half an hour comes extra on top of the normal housekeeping time (otherwise, the other parts of my house might get out of hand quickly).

- I will take better care of numero uno: with my health less then stellar and my habit of exhausting myself in order to please others, I’ve painted myself into a nice little corner. So physical care (walking, sauna, relaxing, good food) and spiritual care (mindfulness, my Bardic training with OBOD, spending time with friends) for numero uno are just that: priority number one.

- I will recognise the things I covet online and translate them to offline work. For instance: I love to escape into medieval MMORPG’s. What do I do there: chop wood, bake pies, slay baddies, acccumulate gold, grow crops, beat some more baddies, run around, climb rocks and mountains. In other words, those things I like to do, but can’t (or think I can’t) do on a day to day basis. It’s a modern variety of daydreaming really. But hey, most of those are quite useful if adopted slightly. Selfsufficiency is a petpeeve of mine, so growing crops, baking and canning etc is a no-brainer. Magic, well, I’m pagan so I can let some sparks fly by practicing that some more. Fighting could be accomodated by finally working toward mastering martial arts, another longtime dream of mine. And gaining gold: well I’m trying to find that sweetspot where income is nice, but taxes are still low: past that, I tend more towards stretching my funds, than increasing my income further.

It’s a journey, no day is the same, and even if I sometimes backtrack and walk some parts of the road double, it’s always a new step forward.

Love,

Catty